Gifts, Giving, Graciousness, Guilt

Candy Spelling has her own gift-wrapping room. You don’t; I know - bummer. To ease the sting of that one, let me help you figure out a way to make wrapping gifts as easy as possible:

Keep all of your wrapping stuff in one place, not spread out between three different rooms and four different drawers. Because wrapping paper is long, it often will end up fitting best either in a closet or in a long plastic storage container under a bed.

Organizing stores sell all kinds of gift-wrap caddies for holding paper, otherwise, figure out a system for keeping the rolls together in a way that works for you.

If you keep gift bags, keep them either in a closed container, or put all of the smaller bags inside the largest one. The point is to have each item type together with the others of its type, i.e.: ribbons together, bows together, and so on.

Have a flat surface in mind to work on when you begin to wrap. Bring out the tape, scissors, and ruler if you need, and you’re ready to go.

You may decide to keep greeting cards with the wrapping stuff or elsewhere such as with office supplies, or even in your home files. Whatever you decide, that’s your system, just remember your logic for putting them there, and you’ll remember where they are!

Keep enough paper, bags, etc. on hand for a season or so, but bear in mind that you don’t have to be a surrogate supply shop yourself. If you run low on something, you can always run to a neighborhood card store or drugstore and pick up what you need.

If you adapt even a conservative ‘abundance’ mind-set, you won’t need to hold onto tiny scraps of bent and torn leftover paper. Let it go --- the well will be full again.

Although many of my Organizing clients have had issues with wrapping supplies threatening to take over the house, what I’m most concerned about is the emotional sabotage that seems to happen to folks concerning giving and receiving gifts. I’ve witnessed houses that are literally under siege by unwanted material belongings that were either formally given as gifts, or simply passed along informally from friends or relatives.

As I explain to my clients, our physical ‘stuff’ is a direct reflection of our ‘emotional/spiritual’ stuff. Stuff = energy. I worked with Janet, a 38 year old woman, whose career, relationships, and sense of self weren’t at all where she wanted them to be and she couldn’t figure out why. Her home was spilling over with unsolicited, useless items that her mother had given her. When I asked Janet why she took this stuff into her space and kept it there against her own desires, her answer was because she didn’t want to ‘get into it’ with her mother.

Creating appropriate boundaries and being able to express your needs is part of the growing up/maturing process. After talking at length about all the ramifications that ensued from her passive responsive to her mother’s intrusive presence in her life, Janet had an epiphany regarding how the physical act of taking on her mother’s ‘stuff’ mirrored their entire relationship and indeed kept her stuck in her life. How could she be a successful business woman and grown partner to a man when she was hiding behind being momma’s good little girl?

Once that light of awareness turns on, it’s hard to turn it back off, and Janet knew that it was time for her step up and be honest and direct with her mother from the position of being an adult, not a child. Janet’s greatest fear is that her mother would make her feel guilty for not taking the things she gave her. Once Janet understood that she had a right to decide what she wanted to take into her house, she knew that she didn’t have to feel guilty no matter how her mother might try to manipulate her.

Together we practiced how she would respond to her mother the next time she was offered things she didn’t want. Janet would graciously thank her mother for thinking of her. She then would go on to explain how she was working on decluttering and simplifying her life, and that although she appreciated the thought, she was going to decline the offered items. Finally she would give her mother options: she could help her donate the goods to charity or she could rent a storage space for her mother if these were things her mom was interested in holding onto herself.

Might the mother blow up and try to hurl guilt Janet’s way? Absolutely! In fact I would bet that she would do so until she understood that Janet was not going to buy in anymore. This is a huge life lesson as nearly every single interaction that we have with others models this; people bring to each exchange the fullness of who they are at that moment. They will run their patterns by you, just as you run your patterns by them – consciously or not. Whether it sticks or doesn’t stick is up to you and how clear you’ve gotten within yourself. This is truly what I love about the process of dealing with ‘stuff’; it’s such a great bridge to working on yourself in deeper ways.

There is nothing wrong with getting rid of any gift that you don’t love, need, or use. Once a gift is given, it’s yours to do with as you like. If you run into patterns of receiving unwanted or inappropriate things from people in your life, it’s time to step up and have whatever that conversation is that’s necessary. With a little introspection, you’ll know exactly what it is. It may be a scary thing to do at first, but the more proactive you become in your life, the better it will feel and the more you will be able to embrace your full power.

On the giving end, ask yourself if you’re giving from love, which means being non-attached. The only way to be assured that someone will love a gift you’ve given is if you ask them directly what they want and then get them precisely that. If you find yourself buying things for others in excess, look within and see if you can discern your true motive. Are you trying to buy affection from these individuals? Gifts that involve taking someone out to dinner or on a outing are nice because then you get to spend time with that person as part of the gift; the time spent together in this way can strengthen important relationships, which is what really matters anyway!

My final recommendation is that you give according to what is appropriate for your budget. No one is going to pay your bills for you or contribute to your retirement fund, so I heartily agree with the sentiment: ‘charity begins at home’. Once your own house is in order, it can be a wonderful thing to buy gifts for others, and now, hopefully, you’ll have all of your gift supplies organized so wrapping them will be a breeze!

Treasure or Trash?

7:30 Saturday morning, you’re deep in sleep, sweetly dreaming about those European Castles you visited last summer, when suddenly you’re awakened by the CRASH of the sanitation truck just outside your window. The noise goes on interminably until finally, at looong last, the din dies down. Just as you dare to remove the pillow covering your head, a neighbor’s gardener starts in with the leaf-blower – WHIRRRRRR… It’s now 8:10 am, you rub your temples and reach for some aspirin as a jet plane roars overhead – eerrrRRRRRRRRRHHHH…This, my friends, is auditory overload.

When you walk into a house and are greeted by papers piled so high that they threaten to topple over if someone within a blocks vicinity sneezes, and the magnets on the refrigerator are packed in so closely that several fall off every time you pull to unstick the freezer, that, my friends, is visual noise. If it’s your house and your stuff that we’re talking about, now we’re adding emotional stress to the mix because somewhere under those piles ‘o papers are bills that scream ‘Past Due!’ --- but you can’t find them!

Hunting for all kinds of material treasures can be great fun as well as a relaxing way to spend the day. Here’s the rub: we are living in a world in which our time and space, yea our very senses, are bombarded from all directions, so when you go out searching for those rare, delectable treasures that a perfect, sunny, Sunday afternoon will beckon you to buy, do yourself a favor and keep these few things in mind:

Even pretty clutter is, well... clutter. To showcase your special, lovely items, allow space around them so that you can appreciate their beauty. The only way to accomplish this is to be certain that you still have some free space where you live, therefore purge out any unwanted, useless, unloved items first in order to make room for new precious cargo.
*Surround yourself with things that you truly love. Be selective. Remember, the images you look at every day will settle into your subconscious and begin to manifest in your life, so choose your collectibles, paintings, etc. with that in mind.
*Get clear on what sort of value you’re looking for:
---Are you going to garage sales to acquire basic household items because now that gas costs $92.00 gallon, you’re on a budget? If that’s the case, then bring a list with you, use discretion, and stay focused on your goals.
---If you’re hitting vintage stores and swap meets to find hot, new-to-you clothes, check your closet before you leave the house. Ask yourself how many items in your closet you wear versus how many either still have tags on them, or were impulsive estate sale purchases that never saw the light of day since you dragged them home – bear all of this in mind as you shop, and only buy those things that you will actually use.

As you learn the art of shopping yard sales and swap meets, you’ll see that you can find incredible things at prices that make sense to you. I recommend that folks get clear on how much discretionary income they have before heading out on these forays though, because if you amass the most beautiful wardrobe ever, but fail to put anything away for your retirement, you are paving your way to being the best dressed 85 year old greeter in discount store history!

Sasha Lauren
www.RemarkableTransformations.com
I'm available for workshops and public speaking. Call 310.927.0297 to discuss specifics.

Basic Organizing Tips

The first thing to know about getting organized is that the process is all about mindset; clutter is, in fact, unmade decisions or unresolved emotions. If you look honestly at the stuff that you have lying around, I believe you’ll agree with that assessment. If you want the physical changes you make to be long-lasting, it is imperative for you to learn to make decisions that you can trust – and then make them on a regular basis, or the clutter will reappear. If ongoing clutter has been an issue for you, it may be that you can benefit from some initial help. We all need help with something at some point in our lives; it’s a sign of strength and maturity to know when to ask for it.

Sometimes friends or family will offer to help, and though they mean well, their help often translates into judgment rather than support and guidance – they will scornfully tell you what to keep and what to get rid of, rather than allowing you to discover what matters to you. If that happens, the process of learning to discern exactly what are your priorities is thwarted, and rather than feeling empowered, you may end up feeling like you’ve lost your unique voice to the will of another --- again.

If done consciously, the process of sorting through your stuff and deciding what to keep and what to let go of can indeed be a positive turning point for the rest of your life. This process is a powerful opportunity to decide what matters to you beyond all of the programming that you were raised with or you have perhaps unconsciously let others impose upon you. This is huge! For those who think that getting organized is all about boxes and bins, I say: “Oh, but it’s so much more!”

Tip list:
1) If working alone, dedicate time in half hour increments so that you won’t get overwhelmed and give up.
2) As you sort through your things, ask yourself these simple questions: “Do I love this item? Do I need this item? Do I use this item?” Your first impulse will generally guide you well; listen to it.
3) Have trash and recycling bags ready for those things that fall into those categories.
4) Have something like plastic bins ready – about the size of a laundry basket so they’re not too heavy to lift – for things that you don’t want but intend to either sell at a yard-sale, sell on-line, or donate to your favorite charity.
5) Be sure to return borrowed items to their rightful owners.
6) Keep a pad of paper near you as you embark on this process as things that you need/want to do will readily come to mind, and you won’t be able to recall them all if you don’t write them down at the time.
7) Begin to notice the impulse to buy more things that you don’t really need. When you feel inclined to do so, sit with these feelings – you may be able to get in touch with what the void is that you’re trying to fill with material possessions.
8) Take some time to define what goals you would like to achieve in your life are. Learn to channel your energy towards your higher priorities rather than cluttering your space with excess stuff.

~This article was published in the August 2008 edition of 'Yard, Garage, and Estate Sale' newspaper in Los Angeles.~

Professional Organizer, SASHA LAUREN, 310.927.0297
http://www.remarkabletransformations.com/

Priorities, Priorities, Priorities.

The old adage was 'Location, Location, Location'. That too is important, my friends, however my blog is going to be about getting clear on what your PRIORITIES are.

Everyone thinks that getting and being organized is all about the right boxes and bins, but as an experienced Professional Organizer, I'll let you in on a little secret: It's all about mind-set.

On the back of my business card it says:
CLEAR YOUR SPACE
CLEAR YOUR MIND
LIVE YOUR WILDEST DREAMS
As you believe, so you shall achieve.

Let me tell you a little about myself - I've been a Licensed Jungian-based Hypnotherapist since 1991. I also worked for many years as a Licensed deep-tissue Massage Therapist. You might say that I spent years in a human laboratory wherein I witnessed the mind/body/spirit connection firsthand.

My experience then is this: As inside, so outside. Therefore, as we approach getting organized or releasing whatever is blocking us from living the life we want to lead - the life that we know somewhere inside that we can lead - we will explore the subconscious mind right along with learning some very pragmatic, practical solutions for our everyday tasks.

When we get very clear on what matters to us, we can then identify what we need to let go of that is holding us back. We begin by first clearing away those things (which include physical items, outmoded habits, beliefs, and even sometimes relationships) that aren't healthy and supportive to us. As we clear our space, the process of knowing what it is that we need to focus on in order to create more of what we want in life, is simplified.

The challenge for many people is getting clear on what to keep and what to let go of. Over the course of doing this blog, I will address all of the issues that regularly come up for folks during this process. I plan to be open to fielding personal questions down the road, as well as writing in a general sense.

I encourage you to stick around -- what we chat about will make a lot of sense, plus, it's going to be a fun, interesting ride!

Sasha Lauren
http://www.remarkabletransformations.com/